Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Haiku

Up in the sky, you
Are the harsh blue this June noon
Embracing my world.

And I would have you
Pick me up from this earth, eat,
Make me immortal.

Then I could with you
Roam the milky way at night
Shower stars on you.

See the world below:
Insignificant ant haunts-
And be assured

That no more am I
Cacophony, illusion,
But in heaven’s arms

I am pure as the
Gold grains rinsed from the waters
Of Subansiri.


3 comments:

bhaskaryya said...

The imagery was vivid and beautiful. As a poem it was beautiful and complete. As a haiku, though, it was lacking.

You've obviously adhered to the 5-7-5 format which was devised for Onjis (Japanese equivalent for the english syllable). Modern English Haiku are written in any number of syllables without exceeding the 5-7-5. That's not a problem though. Just thought I'd tell you.

Back to the poem, the stark change in image that is usually a part of the 2nd line of the haiku is basically missing here.

There are many more technical aspects which you'd learn better from the following article:

http://allpoetry.com/column/show/423262

Good work!

Moulding defragmentation said...

thanks bhaskarrya..I'll check that

Vinod said...

i like the mention of the Subansiri.. reminds me of the Subarnarekha back home where i grew...!