Random musings

It seems the months have flown by. I last wrote something on blogger nearly three months back. Maybe that happens when you start working. Maybe I have just been too lazy, perhaps a little too tired.

As much as we embrace change or try to walk into territories new, I think there must always be a part of us that wants to dearly cling onto familiarity, even when we know that evolution is essential to our growth. My need to overcome my social phobia has seen me push myself into socializing, or attempting to socialize. Like the other day when I attended a speed networking event in office, and where I was told about a trick or a nuance of social interaction, namely the 'hook and the spin" theory. The 'hook' is a topic, a common ground that the two strangers share, and once you find the hook, you should 'spin' the rest of your conversation around that. The rationale behind this idea is that it is not necessary to squeeze one's entire life story in an introductory conversation, but rather that it is more fruitful if the two people discuss something that they share in common.

Some of my attempts in socializing have worked out fine, some have backfired. Like, with men, I have found that being pally can be sometimes misconstrued as being flirtatious. This is more true when you take the initiative to get to know someone. It helps in such a case if you have good instincts, like my friend Naina, who can read body language and is good at handling such situations. I guess instincts and the ability to read people's body language is something that requires practice and takes time. She is better at it since she has always socialised more than me, having grown up in a boarding school. For my part, I think I need to be more observant and sensitive to what the other person is thinking or feeling or assuming. On the other hand, it has also happened that men have gotten friendly with me, and then distanced themselves when they realize that I do not have any intention of being anything more than friends. It has just seemed weird to me.

Part of the problem arises from the fact that I work in a 9 to 5 job in an office which has a very small percentage of women employees, about 24%. This means that I have to mostly interact with men. Being a fresher also means that most of them will be older than you. My friend Naina feels that the nuances are different when it comes to interacting with older people, even if they are just 4 or 5 years older. Often work requires me to stretch beyond the mandatory 8 hours. Adding that to 5 days a week, it means that my social circle gets further restricted to the workplace.

Nonetheless, I am trying to change and develop in different directions, or 'widen my horizons', as the cliche goes. Yet, part of me still sometimes wants to go back to my older, more inhibited self. I find this tendency most manifest in my dreams, where I often dream of school, or childhood, or people I knew when I was a kid and with whom I have lost touch. I do not know what this tendency of regression means. I know that I need to take steps to come out of my shell. I have been taking baby steps in this direction ever since I felt the need to evolve, and grow. The decision to change has been a concious one. Yet sometimes, I feel like curling up inside a cocoon, drawing my knees upto my chin in a foetal position. I feel small and I feel the need to retreat into a noiseless womb. But it is usually a temporary phase. Some minutes later I go out of my room, chat with my friends.